Thank You

Nowadays, a quick scroll through my social media in my late 20s looks like this: engagement announcements, post-Pilates workouts, wedding photos, luxurious getaways, fancy rendezvous, and baby showers. Meanwhile, here I am, lying on my bed, exhausted after working and endlessly overthinking, absorbing the milestones of my peers. Hundreds of questions pop into my head: “Am I doing the right thing?”, “Is this what I truly want?”, “How can I be sure I’m on the right track?”.

The discontent I feel about my career path and routine, dealing with Jakarta's hustle and bustle every day just to go to work, spending time with a circle of friends that keeps getting smaller because they have other commitments, engaging in meaningless conversations with co-workers, and experiencing a drop in communication frequency with family and loved ones because I feel better off by myself—keeping a healthy distance, and ultimately ending the day by living as a freelancer to meet my needs and wants. All of these statements sound so tiring and stressful due to society’s judgment about one’s definition of ‘achievement.’

Looking back over the years, I was bright with big dreams and strong ideals—I always felt that nothing could stop me. Gradually, I became a person living in reality, torn between obligation and desire just because I turned into an adult. I felt lost, like I was in limbo with no beginning or end. Nobody prepared me to face this so-called quarter-life crisis. Meanwhile, life moved quickly, and the world became more complicated.

The miseries were still strong when I finally found a glimmer of light amid this competition. With the encouragement and support of my significant other, I began to sense the old excitement and urgency to make things happen. I believe I started painting again not to compete or to achieve anything—because I was tired of racing through life. I created this painting to validate myself and who I am, despite all the crises I'm facing. I finally found a little joy, and at least I found a part of me that had been lost a long time ago. For now, I can rest assured for a moment as I say, “Thank you.”